30th June 1997
by Professor SS19
Summary: Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore both know that tonight is their last night sharing this mortal realm, before the terrible events will transpire on the Astronomy Tower. How does one even speak, on such an evening? How could one possibly try to say goodbye? A one shot exploring what happens when Albus and Severus have their last conversation. Slightly angsty, hopefully touching.


_There will be a companion piece to this. It is implicit, I think, as to whether Severus and Albus knew that 30th June 1997 would be their last time sharing the same mortal realm; this one-shot explores what may have transpired had they known._

 _My dear critical muse excessivelyperky will despise it…. ~SS19_

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 **30th June 1997**

A hesitant knock at his office door. Albus Dumbledore raised his head from the journal entry he was writing, waving his hand to close the book. "Come in." He bid softly, tucking his quill away into a drawer before continuing, "You must forgive me Harry, I lost track of time."

A clearing of the throat signalled to him that he was incorrect in his assumption and he raised his head, "Ah, Severus." He looked to the clock and saw it was earlier than when he had asked Harry to arrive. "Time is somewhat fluid for me, nowadays. Please come in." He gestured to the chair in front of his desk, relieved when the younger wizard accepted the invitation. Once upon a time, it would have been a mistake that would have offended Severus and wounded his pride; now, both appreciated that moments like this were too precious to be wasted in offended sulking. "How are you, my boy?"

Severus considered this question, "I have been better." The four apparently closed words spoke pages to Albus and not for the first time recently he did not quite know what to say in return. "I understand, Severus." Lack of meaningfully coherent speech did not mean a lack of comprehension, however, for Albus felt it all too. He just did not know how to say that to Severus which meant he was rather failing at the role of a mentor.

Severus regarded him with an expression that challenged Albus' response, the silent question of how could Albus possibly understand hanging between them. "Why are you expecting Potter, again?" His voice was carefully empty and Albus knew it was disguising jealousy that his younger counterpart felt but could not explain away. "We are going…somewhere." He held up a hand to halt Severus' indignant interruption, "You know I cannot tell you more, Severus, for your safety and that of others. Please do not ask me." He lowered his fingers and smiled at his friend, "I do not feel you would approve, in any case."

A shadow of a smile reflected on Severus' face, "Please be careful. Although…it may not…matter." He stumbled over the words, almost as if he was in a hurry to disclose them and in the same moment never wished to speak them. In a rare show of fiddling, Albus noticed he was twisting part of his robe with his fingers. This was serious then. "Why do you say that?"

"Loose tongues in the Inner Circle, Headmaster. Greyback is preparing for a 'trip'. That can only be one thing." Severus stood, knocking the chair back in his suddenness and turning his back on Albus to hide his… "It is tonight, Headmaster. You will die tonight."

Albus considered this information but was more concerned with the trembling he could detect in his spy's shoulders. "Are you quite sure, Severus?" He was not sure why his voice was so calm - in truth, this was earlier than he had planned and he had thought he would feel more…urgent?

"I am positive."

Albus nodded, to himself as he was still faced with Severus' back, "Only if all goes to plan, my boy."

"I am aware!" Severus' loud retort was coloured with more than a shade of emotion, "As long as _I_ kill _you_."

Albus had to admit himself out of his depth and this was because he had never asked someone else he truly, deeply cared for to perform such a task. He did not know what to say to Severus to help, or to calm, or to heal. Short of retracting the request of course although they were far, far past that now.

Ever the mind reader, Severus turned just slightly so Albus could see part of his face, "You do not need to say anything to convince me. I will do as you asked. I found out it will be tonight and…came straight to you. I felt I…" Severus stopped mid sentence, seemed to endure some internal conflict and then fully faced Albus, "I wanted to be here. I wanted to say…." The fiddling, again. "…Things."

Albus' eyes were suddenly hot when it dawned on him how brave his Severus was being in this moment. Severus was a naturally closed person for emotions placed him in great danger. Here he was, clearly confronting considerable emotion and still, Albus was failing to say or do anything to help. But what could he possibly say, what could possibly help? "You do not need to say anything, Severus. I do not need a eulogy of how much you admire me…" He was not intended to be funny but something in his words clearly amused Severus, "That was exactly what I was going to say, of course, Headmaster, how much I admire you. Humble until the end…" The amusement faded, "Except of course I admire you. I have learned so much from you, and I could have learned so much more." Another uncharacteristically young habit from Severus as he chewed his bottom lip suddenly not sure where to look as he gave voice to his biggest fear, "What if I cannot, Headmaster?"

"Can't, Severus?"

Severus took two steps forward, and leaned on Albus' desk, palms flat, arms stiff and tense to hide any shaking, "What if I fail and cannot kill you?"

Albus had needed no clarification but had tried to buy himself time so he knew what to say, "I…" He knew Severus needed more than just empty platitudes and needed cruel honesty to reassure him, but it felt so manipulative, "You always do what I have asked Severus." That was true, the next part was cruel. "You have no choice because you owe me." He saw hurt and realisation in Severus' dark eyes and could stand it no longer, needing to be the caring protector he prided himself in being. He rested a hand on top of Severus', "But more importantly, you have never let me down and I trust you, and only you, with your life."

"You have to mean it, Headmaster. How could I possibly mean it? You are…everything." Severus' hand was shaking, "Beyond everything."

Albus realised in a moment that there was nothing he could say. He could not comfort Severus now because of what Severus was doing.

Because Severus was saying good bye.

Having said that, Albus did not move his hand. He may not be able to make this any easier, but he could at least be there beside him.

"I do not want to kill you Headmaster, although I will. You are something I have believed in, and I do not wish that to end. You took me in when I was broken and you saw worth where no one else did. You knew I could be more and you knew I could be better than my past." Severus hesitated, "You taught me that I was not alone, but I am scared of being alone, again, now. They will all see me as your murderer, those who you convinced. I will lose everything tonight, if I do this, when I do this, Headmaster. Kill you, lose you, and lose anyone else." He swallowed. "Are you worth that?" He looked straight into Albus' eyes, and Albus was unsettled by the intimacy of that gesture, "I am not asking if defeating the Dark Lord is worth it, of if ending the war is worth it, or if saving Draco is worth it. You taught me to be open, to care, to try - and by Merlin, I tried - and you taught me to love and be loved. Now you ask me to kill and destroy most of what I love. Answer me, are you worth that?"

Tears spilled but Albus did not have the strength to raise his good hand to wipe them away. "No…" How could he possibly be worth all that he was asking Severus to sacrifice? How could he have asked this of the man before him, a man who had had nothing to fight for until Albus had seen his potential. No one to protect him. "How…how could I be…?

Severus surprised Albus then. Without any hesitation, he raised a hand and very carefully brushed the back of his hand to wipe the tears away from Albus' cheeks and the Headmaster couldn't bring himself to think or speak, simply shaken to his very core. "Now you understand how unworthy I have felt since you told me I was worth saving when I was twenty one."

"But you are worth it, Severus!" Albus' tone was vehement.

Severus' tone was soft. "So are you."

There was a knock at the door. "One moment!" Albus called, for nothing would take this moment from him, "I do not believe you, Severus, but I am honoured." He paused, "I am also going to come and hug you now." He swept around the desk and gathered Severus into his arms which the other responded to, burying his head into Albus' shoulder in a place where he had never actively sought but always found comfort. After a long moment that neither of them really had, they separated. Duty called. Severus inclined his head, "I will wait in the bedroom until you have departed to save myself the embarrassment. Be careful Albus." A moment, and then, "Do not get yourself killed before I have the chance to do it myself."

"And deprive you such pleasure, my boy? Never." His tone was light, far lighter than the topic could ever truly deserve, "See you in a while." Albus watched Severus ensconce himself in the adjoining bedroom and when he had had a second, went to the office door, the picture of the benevolent protector, hiding any trace of all that was soon to destroy him, "Come in, Harry, I apologise, urgent Ministry business called."

Behind the closed door, and once again facing desolate loneliness, Severus sat on the carpet and did not hide the tears that he had, until this point, fought so desperately against.


End file.
